C H A N G E S

I came home guys, I came home, I packed up my room and I came home. For abit of context, home is Lagos, Nigeria and non-home (i.e. school) is Dublin, Ireland. Okay, so basically i‘ve been extremely stressed to say the least. Last year, for me, was a very slow burner and I really thought I had it together but I didn’t. My habit of striving for perfection at whatever cost, even to the point of spending the holidays alone to “study” for exams lead me into a bit of an existential crisis.

Yes, I began to question everything. single. thing. Searching for meaning in my life, this seems to be a running theme, purpose. What is my purpose? Why am I here? Is this a scam? Did I really play myself like that? I began pondering over every detail that lead me to where I was at that moment. Somewhere in between a bad day and getting ready to take an exam I was simply not ready for, I got FaceTime call from a dear friend. More on this awesome friend of mine later but It was essentially a reminder that I was not alone. Even though I didn’t see anyone offering to open up my brain and pour in all the information that wouldn’t stick, It was nice to know that there was someone somewhere who could feel that I was not okay.

As I stared into the dawning reality of taking on yet another semester of Uni in this lockdown/ isolation / COVID phenomenon, I realised that I truly cannot come and die. Read a few bible verse about not coming and dying ( Ecclesiastes 7 vs 16 -17) and made the executive decision to go home and out of this space.

Now, Im home now, soaking up all the love that I can get and not for a second taking for granted how privileged I am to even have this option. Letting my hair and my guard down for just a little bit, stopped trying to achieve and over achieve, just home. Right now, everywhere but right here is in fact the ghetto. I think it's so funny how things change and Lagos is a place to run to for the same reason on we ran from It. A place where life is not completely shut down and some form of normalcy exists still.

2020 humbled me, she made be learn things about myself that I never wanted to face and come terms with some harsh truths. 2021, however, is about self discovery, Its about feeling everything. It's about accepting the things I cannot change and changing the things I cannot accept. It's about facing the fact that I am human, not better or worse than anyone else, just trying strive and not just survive. It's about peace, finally.

What has this era been about for you?

How has your perspective changed or been reinforced?

What is your purpose?

Why are you still here?

More on this next time but for now,

xoxo.